Hey Reader,

You can find something nice in most people. Sometimes you just need to have a good look.

This is a quote from the fun Norwegian Christmas Netflix series Home for Christmas.
And I’d even go further and say: You can find something nice in everyone.

I do. 🤗

I always look for what’s behind the mask of the person in front of me. That doesn’t mean I need to be friends with everyone. But we are often very quick to judge based on what we see at first glance.

A recent example: for two weeks—stretching from before Christmas to New Year’s and ending on Friday, January 9th—I had four guys replacing the siding on my house.

Big guys.
Gruff-looking.
Hard Rock music blasting from a speaker.
Easy to judge at first glance.

My instinct to break the ice and warm them up to me: What could I offer them?
​Coffee. Cookies. Soda.

Not as bribery—simply as a way to make them feel comfortable. And, if I’m honest, to make myself feel comfortable too. Having people around my home, working outside, making decisions—this kind of situation easily unsettles my mind. My possibly ADD brain (and I know I’m not alone here) doesn’t love too many moving parts at once.

Feeling bad for them working outside in minus five degrees Celsius and colder, I made a big pot of potato soup and invited them inside.

Being friendly, giving them the choice to accept or not, and sitting together at the table—it naturally opens conversation. And slowly, bits and pieces of their stories emerged.

The foreman told me his great-grandfather was German and likely came to this country shortly after the Second World War. He even showed me a photo. His great-grandfather looked stern—very much the stereotype people often associate with Germans: stoic, stern, quiet.

But who’s to say there wasn’t goodness in that man?

Judging people by appearances alone is a poor idea.
You never know their story.
You don’t know where they came from.
You don’t know what’s going on inside them.

I’ve been judged once at a workplace as being arrogant.

Me—arrogant?

​

When I look back, I can see how it happened.
​
I was shy.
Unsure what to say.
Unsure how to ask for things to be done.

Trying to appear composed, I probably came across as distant.
Or superior.
Or unapproachable.

What wasn’t arrogance at all was simply uncertainty.

Coming back to the great-grandfather, his great-grandson initially appeared just as stern. But sitting with him, listening to his stories, sharing a meal, he became very human. Warm. Friendly.

Nothing had changed on the outside.
Only my willingness to look a little longer.

Maybe next time you catch yourself judging someone, pause for a moment. Look a little further—beyond the mask—and see what else might be there.

And maybe, just maybe, the real invitation here isn’t to stop judging altogether—that’s probably unrealistic.
Maybe it’s to slow down just enough to notice when judgment shows up and interrupt it.

Because the moment we assume we already know who someone is, we stop seeing them.

I would have missed out on these brief, gentle moments of connection with these rough-looking guys. Some of my Maltese colleagues missed out on my cheerful and curious character.

Let’s start perceiving the people in front of us with a new lens, one shaped by curiosity rather than assumption.

With love,
​xx Antonie

Do it before you die.
Some day will never come.

​

P.S.: You can find a related reflection on masks and misjudgment in my post The Moment in Frankenstein That Undid Me.​

P.P.S.: If this story made you nod, smile, or breathe a little deeper, and you'd like to say thank you in a small but meaningful way, you can leave me a little tip (or coffee!) here:

☕ Caffeinated Radiance Tip.

Your support helps me keep creating and sharing my work from the heart. 💛

Did a friend send you this email? Subscribe here​

​